Wednesday, October 2, 2013

should have are the saddest words in this language

No cute pictures today, unfortunately, as today's post is a short one about Curzon.  It's now October, and it's been five months since we had to send him off into the long night to release him from the pain of the cancer that riddled his body.  I knew October was going to be very hard for me, and that is indeed turning out to be true.

He should have been here to earn his 50,000 point title.
He should have been here to turn 10 years old and race in a flyball tourney on his birthday (October 20).
He should have been here to earn his Iron Dog award at that same tourney.

And mostly, Curzon should have been here to watch his baby brother grow up.  I'm not sure how, but Martok is showing so many behaviors that his big brother displayed, things that he couldn't have seen in their short eleven days together.  Martok has been rearing up to go outside, and bounds and leaps and curvettes like Curzon did.  He's been waiting outside my bedroom door for me in the mornings, just like Curzon did.  He initiated a game of hide-and-seek around the living room / kitchen wall last night with Chris, just like Curzon did.  Most days it's a comfort, but some days it's just a painful reminder.

Curzon should have been here to see all of this.

But he's not.

And that still breaks my heart, and it may always do so.  I miss you, my darlin' boyo.  So much.

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